This is a story…

I’m Meghan and I post things that my quirky 21 year old heart’s into. (This is my blog)

Hurt is the question, Love is the answer May 31, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — magneggy @ 1:02 am

This story refuses to begin in my 21st year regardless of the revisions I make on it. I’m 21 and this is one summer, but it comes as an ending to all the others that preceded it, markers that cannot be denied. Markers that sped up after high school, that have all been elegantly woven together into something that makes sense. I never meant this life for myself when I graduated, I hadn’t meant any in particular. I imagined the pleasant dichotomy of school and summer…hating summer a little bit more each time. I anticipated boredom.

Summers have been anything but boring. I went to Europe, took a sweet literature course, brushed up on my Spanish…and had brain surgery. I’m at this summer now, and I’m going on a mission trip. CRAZY. I never had so much joy going into summer plans.

A few years ago I barely had a relationship with God, aside from thinking I was “covered” for heaven. While it is impossible to identify the soul save to say that its whats left when all our physical traits are accounted for, I was unaware of my soulful existence. I had a terrible yearning that was not being filled when I left High School. Furthermore, I had no idea how to identify the source or solution to such deep seated pain and uneasiness in my chest.

It was certainly a spiritual dilemma, exacerbated by me not knowing it was. Someone showed me one day, someone identified one day, my needs. They guided me through a detox from the inebriated state this world had forced on me. A drunkenness not of alcohol, but of distractions. I learned true love. I had no idea that I could have a loving relationship from a God, my God, that had been pursuing me my entire life. My God that willfully came into this world, a messed up world, so I could go to His. wow. That knowledge, changed my life completely, it filled the chasms that no empty words or accomplishments could. It is earth shattering love that ruined my world in the best of ways. Available to everyone, yet unknown by so many someones, I’m not searching for converts, or numbers, or to share epic secrets of the universe. It is no secret, we are loved, and asked to love in return. Love expresses itself in so many ways, and thats what I am going to do. To show love, not through blind words, but through something more.

We all have broken hearts that need fixing, and serving love up is the only cure. I am eager, I am hopeful, I am willing.

 

May 29, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — magneggy @ 10:24 pm

This is one of those days where I’m at a loss for words. When the light in my heart is flickering down, when I still need light so dearly…I loose affection for the dearest untangible things in my life. A haze of emotions clouds over my head, an indescribable amalgam of feelings. 

The worst period of my life was the two years I didn’t listen to music. I wasn’t forced, or anything…I just stopped. That was when I wasn’t myself. Never again.

 

Confession 1 May 24, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — magneggy @ 11:57 pm
Tags: ,

I am blind to flirting, I am fairly certain that I wouldn’t know if I was flirting with my husband or visa versa. Being single and all I have some time to figure it out. But, I think I may have flirted once at Applebees with the waiter a couple weeks ago. It was hysterical, haphazard, and innocent as most things in my life are.

 

Think about it May 23, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — magneggy @ 9:46 pm

note

 

I am a time traveler

Filed under: Uncategorized — magneggy @ 11:20 am

It all started with a movie for me. Back to the Future. I’ve spent hours of my life thinking of the convoluted implications of this title. Its time travel. I love it. From about the age of six I’ve wanted to own a Delorean so I could travel time, only recently realizing that not every Delorean is as rad as the one from the movies.
I am terribly fascinated by time travel. Firstly, if time is linear, does that mean that people on the road for example that are physically ahead of me are farther along in real time? I dont know. The fifteen years I’ve been wondering this have produced few legit answers.
As a historian I think I’m prone to wondering these things. We’re all on measurable strands of time, unaware of the end. To make sense of all of it we weave them together into one rope, and call it past, present and future. Whats to stop us from sliding forward or back? The inability of the human mind to create a mechanism to do so. Its good that we’re dumb. Alot of the desire to time travel is a sign of discontentment with the present. We know that running away wont fix anything, unless that “away” really changes the moment at hand. If we go back in time or to the future we will find a better world. Its a desire for heaven. That, however, still does not make the simple idea of time travel any less thrilling. I am a time traveler. I will always be a time traveler.

 

My Current and Perpetual Music Alphabet May 21, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — magneggy @ 11:39 am
Tags: ,

albums

 

Some of my favorites from A-Z (almost) 

Read from top right to bottom left. 

A is for Austin Gibbs-I was introduced to him during a rad conversation about music. I am addicted, and will possibly shake my ipod in your face with his album playing the next time I see you. 

B is for Brand New-Irresistable musicality, spiritual conflict at times, great songwritting. 

B is (also) for Bright Eyes– ….or Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band. I. love. him.

C is for Coeur de pirate-…I’ve been listening to her for awhile, she’s terrific…even if I have no idea what she’s saying. She fan’s the flame for my micro-obsession with French Pop.

D is for Death Cab for Cutie– The first thing I heard by them was in a music video, which almost always ruins musicians for me. Dont ask me why, it just does. Then I tried again, and we fell in love, hard.

E is for The Early November-…Gag me with a spoon, Ace Enders has a fantastic voice.

F is for The Format-Self. Explanatory. 

G is for The Get Up Kids-The song “I’ll Catch You” is epically delightful. 

H is for The Hush Sound-A complete package with jazzy genre sampling, two lead singers, AND piano. Yeah, go listen to them.

I is for Ingrid Michaelson-her style is peachy, and she’s feircely musical.

J is for Jack’s Mannequin– Andrew McMahon and I are BFF. I love the piano, lyrics…etc.

K is for Kate Nash-She’s upbeat fun summer music, and the best artist I know of that starts with a K barring my secret Kelly Clarkson addiction….uh, yeah.

L is for Limp Bizkit—JUST Kidding, its really for Lydia, Mindy White has an excellent voice, Leighton Antelman has an excellent voice, and the guitarist looks like a blondish Jesus in the right light…or is that just me?

M is for Manchester Orchestra—They touch my heart, and refuse to make a bad record. Annd…the word Orchestra gets my heart fluttering, and makes me want to listen to Gershwin.

N is for NeverShoutNever!—Oh Cris Drew, I love your music, you crystal clear voice, AND your ukele ep. 

O is for Oasis–What can I say, a girl just has to go back to 90s British alt-rock sometimes…right?

P is for Plain White T’s-I love them, or just their two love songs. Theres a blog behind this.

Q is for Queen-Theyre pretty rad when I’m in the right mood. and they start with a Q.

R is for Radiohead-refer to O for my reasoning.

S is for Something Corporate-I miss you so so so much. Konstantine is now and tomorrow my favorite song.

S is (also) for The Scene Aesthetic-I love them for many a reason, especially the way they sing about their women,  with their disarming and honest lyrics. So excited for their EP! Oh yeah, haha I talked to Eric Bowley (short story) on the phone earlier this month explicitly to tell him that, and I was stoked to find out that we happen to love them same music. What a rare happenstance! Good times.

S is (additionally) for Stacy Clark-I love her, she’s different, creative, and I desperately want her to make it. 

T is for This Providence-Three words, “My Beautiful Rescue”

V is for Vedera– I mean how could I not choose them? They’re lovely musicians.

W is for The Who-I mean, how could I not have at least ONE classic on here.

 

U,X,Y and Z…are missing, and I cheated with B and S. BUT, that doesn’t really matter. 

 

Love You All!

Meghan

 

 

The results of a broken world. May 18, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — magneggy @ 2:57 pm
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Its a story. Its the story of millions world wide, its the story of one person. Each story important, each a heavy yoke to carry alone. Its depression. I had depression, I have depression. I dont say this lightly or for attention, but for transparency’s sake. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault. While recently comming to this realization, my heart began to shake at its inner core with the need to tell my story. To use love as THE tool, to make it tangible, to make availible to the hopeless. 

To expose my brokeness. 

Like crystal our brokeness is beautiful but made of something deadly. We choose to drink water from it, to create beautiful sounds or to ignore it all together out of fear of the deadly unknown. Drinking the water is the necessity for life, for repair. We will surely die without it.

depression.

Its a story of people not wanting to get up in the morning, its a story of insomnia and oversleeping, its the story of chronic lonliness. Its more than a bad day, or a mood…its a disposition, the physical feeling of heartache, and body ache, that takes people away to dark places, that lies to them, that harms them. 

Its a story of a physical presence of someone, and the abscence of their sparkling personalities. Its helpless loved ones, watching souls withdraw. Its epic disruptions in relationships, anger, and substitution for the pain. Its children, its parents, sisters, teachers, best friends, brothers, girlfriends, enemies, waiters, crushes, and gas station attendents. Sometimes its unexplainable, sometimes theres a trigger…but it always developes into a wound that only Jesus can heal. As Christ’s ambassadors we’re meant to delve into these rough situations, becoming vunerable revealing our brokeness, offering hope through our testimonies. 

God is love, and love is what is needed. 

 

Stats stolen from http://www.twolha.com

-121 million people worldwide suffer from depression. (The World Health Organization)

 -18 million of these cases are happening in the United States. (The National Institute of Mental Health)

 -Between 20% and 50% of children and teens struggling with depression have a family history of this struggle and the offspring of depressed parents are more than three times as likely to suffer from depression. (U.S. Surgeon General’s Survey, 1999)

 -Depression often co-occurs with anxiety disorders and substance abuse, with 30 percent of teens with depression also developing a substance abuse problem.   (NIMH)

 -2/3 of those suffering from depression never seek treatment.

Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, and suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers. (NIMH)        


 

 We were meant to love feircely, we were meant to attack these issues. This is a spiritual pit that is HUGE, but not insurmountable.

The victory is already ours.

   The enemy has been defeated.

  Death wont hold us down.

If you think you know anyone who may be affected talk to them about it rather then just misunderstanding them. Empathy is a terrific tool. Its bigger than we can handle though.

                      I will not be silent anymore. 

A peace and love that surpasses all understanding is God’s gift to freely give to 121 million world wide who desperately need it. Share it, live it.

 

love,

Meghan