This story refuses to begin in my 21st year regardless of the revisions I make on it. I’m 21 and this is one summer, but it comes as an ending to all the others that preceded it, markers that cannot be denied. Markers that sped up after high school, that have all been elegantly woven together into something that makes sense. I never meant this life for myself when I graduated, I hadn’t meant any in particular. I imagined the pleasant dichotomy of school and summer…hating summer a little bit more each time. I anticipated boredom.
Summers have been anything but boring. I went to Europe, took a sweet literature course, brushed up on my Spanish…and had brain surgery. I’m at this summer now, and I’m going on a mission trip. CRAZY. I never had so much joy going into summer plans.
A few years ago I barely had a relationship with God, aside from thinking I was “covered” for heaven. While it is impossible to identify the soul save to say that its whats left when all our physical traits are accounted for, I was unaware of my soulful existence. I had a terrible yearning that was not being filled when I left High School. Furthermore, I had no idea how to identify the source or solution to such deep seated pain and uneasiness in my chest.
It was certainly a spiritual dilemma, exacerbated by me not knowing it was. Someone showed me one day, someone identified one day, my needs. They guided me through a detox from the inebriated state this world had forced on me. A drunkenness not of alcohol, but of distractions. I learned true love. I had no idea that I could have a loving relationship from a God, my God, that had been pursuing me my entire life. My God that willfully came into this world, a messed up world, so I could go to His. wow. That knowledge, changed my life completely, it filled the chasms that no empty words or accomplishments could. It is earth shattering love that ruined my world in the best of ways. Available to everyone, yet unknown by so many someones, I’m not searching for converts, or numbers, or to share epic secrets of the universe. It is no secret, we are loved, and asked to love in return. Love expresses itself in so many ways, and thats what I am going to do. To show love, not through blind words, but through something more.
We all have broken hearts that need fixing, and serving love up is the only cure. I am eager, I am hopeful, I am willing.